A whole week

It's Saturday night and the kids go back to school Monday.  I want two weeks for spring break.  

Thought I would post a few pictures from this last week so we would remember what we did for Spring break 2014.

  

We spent a lot of time in our hot tub and pool. 

Gracie liked to dig in my flower pot.

On the second day of spring break I announced that there would no longer be electronics.    Oh, I was the meanest mom alive taking all their electronics away for a whole week.    Once the whining and the complaining were over the boys decided to head outside and play.   Imagine that.   And, most afternoons were spent playing with neighborhood kids.   The boys love to play basketball, ride their bikes, and head down to the grassy area to play.

The little kids and I had to have fun also so we dragged out the board games.   Sneaky Squirrel is our favorite game.

And, after our game we headed outside to have a snack.

We also did lots of errands over spring break.  

We can't go to Safeway without sitting in the car cart.  After Safeway we headed to Walgreens.  Walgreens is my favorite place to take the kids when we have a little extra time.   It's so fun because we go up and down every aisle looking at all the toys and games.  Walgreens always has lots of toys that sing and play music.   We also tried on some hats before we left.  I think the Walgreens ladies were glad to see us finally leave!

Here is Grace sitting in her favorite chair up in her room.   She loves to play in this chair.

One afternoon we took Gabriel to the eye Dr. to get his new contacts.   He is very excited about having contacts!

After the eye Dr. we had to have some Starbucks.   We sat out in the sun and enjoyed the day.   We were definitely not their quietest customers.

The week went so fast but I know our time was well spent.   I loved having our days stretched out before us with no schedules to follow.   It was good for our souls. 

Spring Break

This week, I sleep a little longer in the mornings.   I take my time and make breakfast without the ticking of the clock that announces 7:30 when the boys leave for school.

I look at our days and wonder what they will entail.  Knowing full well not to plan anything.   I want to just savor this time with my boys and not be on a hurry to go anywhere or do anything.

By the time I join my oldest son in the living room he has completed his masterpiece.   He works on his rainbow loom in the early morning hours.   His bracelets are quite amazing.

As the day unfolds, we decide to take a bike ride.   The desert is absolutely gorgeous this time of year.   Everything is blooming and full of color.

The two littles in the cart and Gabe and Owen riding in front of me.

We ride a LONG way and we are all tired.   I peek behind me to see how the little kids are doing.   Then, my heart melts.

The big kids are whining and complaining because they are hot and tired.   We stop to drink some water and catch our breath.

And, then we smile after our short rest because this unplanned bike ride is just what our souls needed.

Our neighborhood

Early Saturday morning when it was still chilly enough to wear a jacket we ventured out into our neighborhood to gather food for our food bank.

It was a boyscout food drive and we were so glad to be able to do this small thing to make a difference. 

 I loved being out with the kids before the rest of the neighborhood was awake.

Stopping just long enough to savor each smile and the beautiful morning.

Getting ready for our busy day ahead.   A day filled with family and basketball games.

Happy Birthday, Pop

Happy Birthday, Dad.

I wanted to share a few things with you today since I couldn't talk to you.   I hope you are having fun in New Zealand!    I love you......very, very much.

Gabe and Owen wrote you letters about why they love you.

When 6 grandchildren are gathered around the kitchen counter starving for breakfast they always ask for Pop's pancakes. 

.   

There is not a better polo player around.    Gabe will never forget when you finally won that Don King belt buckle.    Polo makes you the best grandpa ever.

And, here are a few other reasons I love you.

You give really good piggy back rides.

And, horseback rides.

You take us on adventures in a the money pit.   

You spent time with us when it really matters.  Traveling miles to come see us.

 You take us fishing and we catch a 60 pound fish!

You cherish your girls.

Your marriage shines a light of love to the world that speaks for itself.

You make time for your friends and cherish those friendships.

There are so many reason that I love you!  Today on your birthday, I hope you are having an adventure of a lifetime.

Savoring

There is a peace that surrounds me during my days.  A peace that has settled over our house like a gentle fog.

It is surrounded by the normalness of our life.   Four year olds, oranges, and laughter.

Laying on the couch together, singing and being silly.

The peace that allows the laughter to come easily.  It allows the songs to be sung without reservations.   It makes room for the joy to seep in.

And, as a little girl toddles over to us we lift her up on the couch also.   She help us sing and brings her own sort of joy along.   Squealing and throwing her head back in laughter.

As we travel through these days we sometimes look forward and the worry robs us of our joy.    

Yesterday, I heard a little voice from the back seat of my Traverse ask "Mom, will we be here next year or are we moving again?"   I turned around at the red light and looked him in the eye.   "Owen, we are going to be here, right here".   "We are together as a family and that is what matters".

I know what he was asking.   I know that deep in his heart he wants to know the future.   He wants to put down roots without reservation but, he is not sure if he should.    My little 7 year old has lived in 7 different houses in 3 different states.   He's just not sure what to expect next.

So, I reasure him the best that I can.   Bryan and I surround him with love and we give each other everything we have.    Our family makes sacrifices to come visit us.     Each moment they are here we hug little harder and love a little more.

And, as one day turns into another we continue to trust.   Trusting in God's plan for us.   Enjoying our blessings.    Savoring each moment one moment at a time.

And, if I savor each little moment and trust in the next, a joy unimaginable is felt in my soul.

So, when little Grace falls asleep after her yogurt I savor it even more.   Thinking about each baby that has fallen asleep in their high chair.   Nope, it hasn't been the same high chair, the same house, or even in the same State but the sweetest of that moment never changes.  Time to be savored no matter where life takes you.

My struggle

We are all given struggles.   This life hands all of us our own measure of hard and difficulty.   It makes us who we are and creates us into we are suppose to be.   We can always look at someone else and think how easy everything is for them not really knowing their real struggle.  

And, healing comes in so many ways.   For me, sharing, is healing.   Typing it out on this computer screen in the middle of the night is like Tylenol for a headache.   It breaks open my wounds and then starts to heal them.   So if you are reading this, thank you for listening.  Thank you for being part of my healing.  Thank you for sharing in my world and hearing my words.

 My daily struggle is my health.

And, this picture brings back so many memories for me.   Memories of the long struggle that I have had with my health.   This picture was taken 5 years ago right after one of my many detox diets.    After this picture was taken, I had a fever for several days that started my journey to healing and continues today.

Some of the most vivid memories of my childhood are in the bathroom.  Sometimes laying on the floor, in a ball waiting for a stomach ache to pass.    I can remember being 5 years old with a stomach ache.   I can remember being 25 with a stomach ache.   Everyday my stomach hurt.   It hurt so often, this became my norm.   I thought it was normal.  I didn't know any different.

During my childhood I spent lots of time in the emergency room and hospitals.   Even spending over a month in the National Jewish Hospital for my food allergies.   They were life threatening and unexplainable.

My memories in my teen years were my fatigue.   Being so tired that I could hardly function.   Sleeping most of my day away.   Never having any energy, not knowing what it was like to feel energized and I continued to have severe allergic reactions and stomach issues.

In my early 20's I remember vividly my first migraine.   I was in Chiapis, Mexico.   Riding an overnight bus to get to the rainforest.   I didn't know what was wrong with me at the time but, I was very sick.   This was the first of hundreds of headaches that I would experience.

In my thirties, my headaches defined my life.   I had two small, energetic boys and I couldn't get off the couch.   I wasn't the mother or the person that I wanted to be.  I just kept getting sicker and sicker.   Over these years in my life, I had spent hours in Dr. offices, emergency rooms, and hospitals.  I have been on medication after medication.    I was coping with my life but not living my life. 

Looking back, I know now that I have never felt health.  I don't think I have ever felt the energy that most people feel.  I have never known what it feels like to get up in the morning and feel good.  To live life without a stomach ache, an allergic reaction, or a migraine.   It is part of who I am and who I continue to be.

But, most people will look at me and see something different.   They don't really know what is going on inside.  They see the mother of four.  Someone who looks lean and fit.  Most people would never guess that I struggle so much with my health.  

Thankfully, today I am healthier then I have ever been and I catch glimpses of what it feels like to feel good.    I make sacrifices to feel this way.   My diet is very, very limited.  I have learned over the years of following Naturpathic medicine that I am intolerant to many foods, including gluten.   And, I am thankful SO THANKFUL that I know this about myself.  Thankful that I am not trying to cover up my symptoms with medications.

Knowing that food is making me sick doesn't make my struggle easier.   My diet is extremely limited and to put it in a nutshell I only eat meat, fruits, and vegetables.   Whole foods, mostly organic.   Today with the help of my neighbor, who is a nutritionist, I am taking my healing to a deeper level and healing even more.    It is moment by moment hard.

Some days these cravings get the most of me and I run to the cupboard and eat handfuls of chocolate chips.   Secretly, I open the bag of potato chips and eat half the bag. I think that if no one sees me that it will be OK.     Until my joints start to hurt, hives break out on my skin, and the fatigue settles in like a fog.   The struggle doesn't end there because two to three days later I will get a migraine headache.

The only thing I can do is start again tomorrow.    I start again each day with a new resolve.   A resolve to muster my way through this struggle that is my health, my life.   Somedays I win the battle and other I don't.   I have learned to be patient with myself when I get off track.   I have learned to forgive myself and be kind to my body.   I have learned that I have to take special care of myself and I do (on most days).

I know what God's will is for me.   It is to love my husband and my children with everything that I am.  I can't do that if I am on the couch with a migraine or in hospital with an allergic reaction.   I can only do that if I continue to learn how to best take care of this body that God has given me.   To listen when it cries out in pain.   To learn how to control the cravings and the moods.   To be as healthy as I can be in this given moment and when I'm not, to know that I will do better tomorrow.

There is no magic pill for my struggle.   There is no Dr. that can cure me but, I have something better then this.  I have hope.   Hope in a God that promises the best for me if I love him.   Hope that my struggle can change me and therefore change the people around me.   Hope that I can persevere through each day and learn to be the person that God has destined for me since the beginning of time.   To have courage and stand up against this struggle that is my health.

So much good has come from my struggle because I have learned to be healthy for me but, also for my family.   Preparing healthy foods each day has become a special calling in my life.  My children and husband will roll their eyes at the homemade breads, flax seed, and probiotics.   And, I just smile at them in satisfaction knowing I am helping them be healthy.  This struggle of mine has made me a better mother, a better cook, and a better wife and, for this I am so thankful.   Thankful for the struggle that is my health.

How preschool has changed us

A little four year old boy.   The little boy who used to be the baby but had to give this role to his little sister.

Who has two older brothers.

A little boy who likes things just a certain way.   The way he had it yesterday and the day before and the day before.   His banana peeled just right.   His green crocs placed on his feet just so.  Syrup on his toast.....never jelly.

 

He finds comfort in repetition and sameness.

A little boy who can focus on something for hours.   Letters, Angry Birds, and now a show called Super Why.   His love for "it" is all consuming.   He can think of nothing else and it brings him so much happiness when he is engaged in it.

We are so different, Eli and I.   I don't understand him and am so easily frustrated by our day to day struggles.    Eli, why can't you just try to eat something new?   Don't you get tired of cheese and fruit all the time?   Eli, why can't you wear these nice new black shoes that actually fit you?   Eli, why do you want to play Angry Birds for the third hour in a row?   Aren't you tired of playing Angry Birds?  Eli, I really don't understand why you are screaming, this blue cup is just fine, I don't have time to wash the yellow one.

There are days when Bryan comes home and sees that look in my eyes.   He knows.    He will scoop Eli up and take him outside.   He knows Eli and I need some time apart.  Eli can just be with his dad.   No power struggle.  

The Dr. recommended that Eli start preschool.   She encouraged me to enroll him right away.   She knew he would be able to relate to the other children and have something of his own.

I found excuses to keep him home.   Preschool cost to much money.  He's not ready for preschool yet.   How will they fix his snack just right?   Who will understand him when he gets frustrated?  He isn't even potty trained yet.

The assumptions that I had about Eli and preschool were wrong.  I now realize I was only holding him back by wanting to keep him home and I am so happy that I finally enrolled him in preschool.

This is his third week and I have never seen a little boy more excited about school.   He absolutely LOVES it.  

He is so proud of himself and would love if he could go to school everyday. 

He has found his place.   A place to meet new friends, learn, and explore.   I am very proud of him.

 I think about Eli and know that I don't always understand him.  I also know in those really hard moments I need to put away MY stubbornness and unwillingness to change.     This is not easy for me to do.  It means I have to let go of myself a little more and love Eli the way he needs to be loved.  

I am so thankful for this little boy.   This little boy who is teaching me to love, to grow, and be loved.