T Ball

Here are a few moments from Owen's T ball game. 

There is no such think as a T ball game without playing in the dirt.   Oh, to be 5 and not worry about what your really suppose to be doing.

While Owen played T ball, the other boys played a little catch.

We all had a great time.

Summer Day

The lazy days of summer.  A time we don't have to get up and hurry to get out the door.  We can start our mornings slow and take our time.

On this particular morning we decided to do some planting.  They boys helped me plant several herbs while we enjoyed the warm summer sunshine.

After planting and breakfast we had a playdate with our good friends Natalie and Allison. We all brought our scooters so we could ride around the park.

After having several races we hurried to the playground to climb, run, and jump.

 Tired, hungry, and exhausted we all sat down to eat lunch.

What a great day.  Thanks Jill, Allison, and Natalie for meeting up with us.  We had a great time.

We are having a......

I remember my first ultrasound.....8 years ago.  Bryan and I sat together watching our baby for the first time through a small black and white TV screen.  He moved and kicked and even tried to suck his thumb.  The technician turned to us and asked if we wanted to know the sex.  "no", we replied.  We wanted to be surprised.  And, we were surprised.  We brought home our little boy and expanded our life to fit three.

Three soon became four with Owen.  This time when the technician asked if we wanted to know the sex, we weren't up for surprises.  "It's a boy" she said.  And then, four became five and we had Eli.   Again, no surprises for us and were so excited to add another boy to the family.

Baby number 4.  As I walked into the ultrasound room my heart started beating fast.  I couldn't wait to see that little baby that I have felt kicking the past few days.  Early in the morning, if I lay really still I can feel those little kicks.  And, yesterday morning I called Gabe and Owen into lay with me.  They each put their little hand on my belly and felt their sibling for the first time.  Each little kick produced a scream of delight.  "Did you feel that, mom"?  "I felt it, I felt it, they screamed".  We had so much playing playing with that baby for the first time.

Now, I was going to get to see that little one.  I watched the TV screen with the same amazement I had the first time I saw Gabriel.  Being able to even see those little fingers and toes is truly a miracle.  And, did we want to know the sex?.....Yes!  In fact, I told the technician that I wouldn't leave until we knew.  I wanted to know more then anything in this world.

She let us guess.   She brought up the picture so we could have a closer look.  We were both very hesitant to guess.  We just let her tell us.

"It's a girl" she said.  A girl?  My heart beat even faster.  I squinted to look closer at the TV screen.  A little girl?  Pink dresses, pony tails, baby dolls, and princesses passed through my head.  This is not what I had expected.  I looked at Bryan and he smiled at me.  A little girl to add to our family.  I was beyond ecstatic.

I looked back up at the screen.  I said to my little girl.  "Well, little miss you have three older brothers waiting for you".   And, my heart just grew with more love then I could have ever imagined.  We had to hurry home to tell everyone. 

The boys were jumping up and down screaming to know.  We teased them for a little while.  Holding our secret just a few more seconds before we told them.  Gabriel and Owen had been saying all day that they wanted a sister.  They couldn't wait any longer. We told them they were having a sister "A sister?"  They screamed "A sister?".  They jumped up and down in the backseat of the car they were so excited. Then, they ran out of the car to tell all their friends.  We could hear them screaming all the way down the street. 

We couldn't wait to tell the rest of the family.   You see, this boy tradition is long standing in Bryan's family.  Bryan's grandparents had three boys.  Bryan grew up in a family of three boys.  And all three of those boys had boys.  Bryan's parents have 7 grandsons....until now.  Now, they have a little girl.  I'm not quite sure they believed it and they were so excited.

Baby Dahl welcome to this family.  Welcome to this family of boys.  You will be cherished and loved.  We were so happy to see you today and learn a little about you and we can hardly wait 5 more months to meet you.  We love you!

Gratitude in June

There are no pictures today.  There is no time to find my camera, download the pictures, and post them.

There are no pictures but there is a summer day.  There are three blond boys tanned from the sun.  There is a little baby growing and making it harder for me to get up and down the stairs.  There is a loving husband who works for his family everyday without complaining.  And there is love.  The sacrificial kind of love that only comes because we have each other.  It makes us all stronger.

Out of this loves comes my gratitude.  Gratitude for the little things that make up my day.


A two year old who says NO.....to everything

Turkey sandwiches and cherries for dinner

 Small kicks felt from our new baby

A messy car that has a strange rotten milk smell

A belly laugh at my husband

The stacks of clothes I step over to get to my bed

The cool June night air

Neighbors that share my cul de sac

Choclate chip cookies stolen out of my cookie jar

A baseball mit left on the counter after practice

The tapping of computer keys as three boys sleep soundly upstairs

A husband asleep on the couch


Out of this gratitude comes joy.  Joy for even the things that aren't perfect..just the ordinary things that are a miracle in themselves.

Heart of a Child

 How long has it been

since you laid in the warm grass

Just for a closer look

For a deep breath of fresh air

For a feeling of open space

Absent of noise

How long has it been 

since you leaned in real close to watch an ant

To dig your fingers in the sand

and study each grain

For the feel of the soft dirt underneath your nails

How long has it been 

since you watched a river

Listening as it babbles, telling you a story

Throwing a stick and watching it disappear

on it's way to the ocean

 How long has it been 

since you played Tom Saywer and Huck Finn

Imagining your escape down the river

Building yourself a fort and fishing with a stick

Not a care in the world

How long has it been

since you ran with wind 

Using your coat for a sail

no destination

Just listening to the pounding of each footstep 

as you go

How long has it been

since you tested your bravery

one step at a time 

while your heart beats madly

not really sure if you can make it

to the other side

 

 How long has it been

since you've felt the elation

of reaching your destination

 smiling and

turning around to encourage your little brother

who hasn't quite made it yet 

How long has it been

since you had the heart of a child?

A Kindergartner

During his first days of Preschool, Owen was very quiet and tentative.  He kept to himself and watched Ms. Denise and the other kids very, very closely.  Not sure if he wanted to be part of this thing called Pre Kindegarden.  For weeks, Owen just watched.  And, it was a slow progression, but slowly Owen started to participate with the other kids.

Then the day came when Ms. Denise pulled me aside after school.  She quietly told me that Owen misbehaved in class and had to have "his card turned".   He was being a little "wild" she told me and wouldn't listen when I asked him to stop.  I looked at her and a little smile crossed my face, then I laughed.  She laughed also and we gave each other a high five.  Now, we knew Owen had gained his confidence and would excel in preschool.

And, he did.  Owen started loving his little classroom and all the kids.  Owen started learning to write all his name and all his letters.  Owen started to play and learn and grow.   Owen is now ready for Kindergarten.

His graduation ceremony was very special.  We invited his best friend, Jake, and his mom to join us in the celebration.  After Owen received his certificate everyone ran to the cafeteria for punch and cake.  This was his favorite part!

Owen also made a very special friend in Pre school.  He looked forward to playing with his friend, Jax, everyday.  In fact, Ms. Denise told me that they were inseparable most of the time.  At the beginning of the year they sat together at the "green" table.  Very soon after Christmas it was decided that Owen would be moved to the "yellow" table.  This didn't seem to stop those two from being together.  They would just yell across the room to each other or try and change tables with no one noticing.

So, here his is.  My new little Kindergartner.  I am so proud of him and all he has accomplished this year.

Black Fog

Keeping things in perspective is really hard today.   This depression has creeped up on me.  The depression that has come with each pregnancy.  It feels like a black fog that covers my eyes and doesn't allow me to see things the way they really are.  Because all I see is the fog.   A blackness that pulls me down.

As I looked back at these pictures that I took today, I couldn't believe it was the same place that my feet traveled.  My eyes didn't see what my camera captured.  I was elsewhere, going through the motions.  You see, my mind was running it's anxious circles.  Chores that needed done, calls that needed made, thinking, I really don't have time for this walk today.  All I could focus on was that black fog that causes me so much anxiety and pain.

My impatience over riding everything, not allowing me to enjoy these moments.  My regret at having yelled at my kids the night before.  My guilt because I'm barely holding things together.  Barely keeping my tears inside the brims of my eyes.  Barely, smiling when I meet someone on the street.  Barely, able to hold myself together.  Trying to be strong, trying to rise above all these emotions.

Eli stops and gets out of his stroller.  He wants to throw rocks in the lake.  I take a deep breath.  I don't want him to.  I don't want to be standing at this lake any longer.  I really don't want to be anywhere right now.  I'm still not seeing clearly and don't until I looked at this picture tonight.  These are things that usually make me smile and bring me so much joy.  My son, still in his pajamas because I couldn't muster up the energy to fight the battle when he refused to get dressed.  My son, holding the garage door opener because that is what he does.  He loves to carry it around with him just waiting for the excitment of opening the door when we return home.  I missed him, my precious two year old, and the beauty of the lake.  I never saw it.

Eli sees a pair of ducks and runs over to them.  He is so excited.  I follow him.    I remember taking these pictures and thinking how nice it would be to just swim away from it all.  Just swim and swim, not worrying about anything else.   My reality pulls me back in and I start focusing on what needs to be done.

We have to say "bye bye" to the ducks and head to car.  It's time to get Owen, make lunch, and throw in a load of laundry before we go get Gabriel from school.  There isn't enough time to do everything and my anxiety starts causing me panic.  So, I take one last look at the ducks and more then anything just want to swim away.