As I tucked Gabe into bed tonight, I felt an overwelming wave of sadness. A saddness that comes when, as a mother, you know that things will never be the same. I looked at my son and knew that the time I had with him at home....is gone. For a moment, I wanted it all back. I wanted to stamp my feet and scream in protest. In that moment, I didn't want this change.
I took a deep breath, sat down beside him, and told him how proud I was of him. I told him how much fun he would have at school tomorrow and all the new friends that he would meet. I tried to sound very convincing. What I really wanted to say was, "Gabe, why don't you just stay home with us tomorrow?" We can sleep in, make a big breakfast together, go for a walk, and maybe go to the library. You don't need to grow up and go to school.
And, as I packed his new Star Wars lunch box, I took another deep breath and said a silent prayer. I needed some strength with this one.
Then some images popped in my head. These were images of my son that I could see so clearly. I could see Gabriel handing a little girl candy at a birthday party when she didn't get any. I could see him helping his dad and I with all the luggage in the airport this past week. I could see him working on his latest book, Luke Skywalker meets Harry Potter. I could see him playing outside with the neighbor kids all afternoon without needing anything from me.
These images made me smile. These images helped me realize how much we have to look forward to as Gabriel goes to 1st grade. My son is ready to start something of his own and it's time for me to let him go and be excited for him.
My sadness turned to joy in that moment. We had so much to look forward to. So many more days when I get to watch him become more independent and make a life for himself. I took another deep breath and thanked God for my 7 year old blessing.
Tomorrow would be a new day and I was excited!
I took a deep breath, sat down beside him, and told him how proud I was of him. I told him how much fun he would have at school tomorrow and all the new friends that he would meet. I tried to sound very convincing. What I really wanted to say was, "Gabe, why don't you just stay home with us tomorrow?" We can sleep in, make a big breakfast together, go for a walk, and maybe go to the library. You don't need to grow up and go to school.
And, as I packed his new Star Wars lunch box, I took another deep breath and said a silent prayer. I needed some strength with this one.
Then some images popped in my head. These were images of my son that I could see so clearly. I could see Gabriel handing a little girl candy at a birthday party when she didn't get any. I could see him helping his dad and I with all the luggage in the airport this past week. I could see him working on his latest book, Luke Skywalker meets Harry Potter. I could see him playing outside with the neighbor kids all afternoon without needing anything from me.
These images made me smile. These images helped me realize how much we have to look forward to as Gabriel goes to 1st grade. My son is ready to start something of his own and it's time for me to let him go and be excited for him.
My sadness turned to joy in that moment. We had so much to look forward to. So many more days when I get to watch him become more independent and make a life for himself. I took another deep breath and thanked God for my 7 year old blessing.
Tomorrow would be a new day and I was excited!
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