Simple Moments

Throughout my days, I snap pictures.   I take pictures on my iphone when I want to capture a moment and remember it.

I take pictures because as I go through my days my children change so fast and I will forget.  I will forget all the little things.   I don't want to forget.   I want to cherish these moments even after they are long past.

The day we went to the Firestation in Vistancia and hung out with the fireman. 

They gave us fireman hats and showed us all around the fire station.

Then, they let us see their firetruck.   They turned on the lights and made the siren scream.   

The afternoon Eli, Grace, and I walked down to Owen's school to watch his class play.   Owen was an ant.   I sat in the audience and watched my little ant sing and when it was his turn to say his lines he stood up and said them in a loud clear voice.   He was a very good ant.

The morning that I got to take Addie to the gift shop at the hospital.   We tried on all the hats and waited for Amaya to finish her surgery.

 

An afternoon we went to Cost Cutters and got hair cuts.    Long hair was cut short and my boys looked more grown up.

A little girl who takes a bath in the sink most mornings.   It's just easier because she is so messy and she loves to sit in the water and help me with the dishes.

A plateful of choclate chip cookies and out to the porch swing.    There we swing and wait for Gabe and Owen to come home from school.

We listen to hear the click click of the scooter wheels on the pavement.   It's Gabe and Owen!

An afternoon in the park.   Learning to swing on the big swing.   Swinging away the minutes until baseball practice is over.

Moments captured on my camera so they won't escape my memory.  These moments when my children are growing and learning and we are surviving it all.  Day by day.

A Dream Changed

A dream that I have pursued for years.  The dream that lodges in the back of your head and stays there throughout your days.  It's all you think about and strive for.   "I will be so happy when (place big dream here)".   "If only (big dream again)" then everything will be perfect.   A goal you strive for beyond everything else because you know that it will bring you true happiness.    Something to work for and hope for.   It defines you, this dream.  It's what you have always wanted.

But, what happens when you suddenly realize you no longer want your dream?   When the reality of the situation hits you in the face and you know in the bottom of your soul that actually getting your dream won't make you happy.   Then, what? 

What is there to hope for?   To dream about?   To work towards?   Especially when your dream is not replaced by another big lofty dream.

Well, I'm feeling a little lost.   I'm feeling unsure about who I am and what I've always wanted.   I'm really not sure of where to go from here.  

For now, I find myself not trusting in the big lofty dream but in the day to day happiness.   It's all I really have right now.  The happiness that only comes in the moment.  In trusting that each day is unfolding in perfect order.  Giving up my dream and what I thought I wanted is very difficult for me.   It's life changing.     Yet, God has whispered in my ear that His plans are bigger then mine.   

It's the trusting that is hard.   Trusting in something that isn't hoped for or dreamed about.  Trusting in something that isn't mine.    I feel like I am floating out in the ocean without an anchor.   No land in sight, just floating.  Not sure where I'm going or when I will get there.

My only choice is to trust in the infinite goodness of the moment.  

1 year old snotty kisses.   

A 4 year old boy who swims across the pool into my arms for the first time.   

A seven year old who leaves Pokemon cards all over my house.

   A bike ride at 6:30 in the morning with a 9 year old who never stops talking.    

A husband who wraps his arms around me and takes my breath away.

This desert.   This home filled with 4 children.   This marriage that grows with a deep trusting love.  A family miles away who I long for but, love more deeply.  Friends who love me in every stage of life.   These are the things that I'm living for, hoping for, and where I am finding my happiness.    I'm not looking into the future to find my happiness.  I am finding it right here in this moment.  In this day.   In this place.   And, I am blessed. 

Baseball

Owen was a Bull.  Gabe a Tiger.

Baseball season this year was good.  Good for the boys, good for the little ones, good for mom and dad.   Practice was four nights a week with games on Saturdays.   So, we spent most of our free time outside watching the boys play a little ball.

Thousands of pitches thrown and balls caught.  Hundreds of hours standing in the cul de sac, at parks, and practice fields playing catch and running the bases.    Every spare second was spent with a baseball glove and ball in hand and the minute Dad came home from work it was time to practice.

So much excitment on game days.   The boys worked so hard and learned so much over the season.  It was amazing to watch them get better each week.

Especially, Gabe.   He was placed on a team that was already established.   He was the new kid.   He had to prove himself to the the coaches and all the other kids.   Gabe sat on the bench the first 3 games of the season.   We continued to go to every practice and Gabe worked really hard.   He practiced for hours at home.  He worked hard, even in the outfield when given the chance to play.  The coaches started to notice and soon, he started playing first base.   He no longer sat on the bench.  

After each game, Owen's coaches would give one player a game ball.  To be fair, every child got one game ball.   After everyone got a ball there was three games left in the season.   Owen's coach informed the players that the game balls would go to the players that really stepped up and helped their team.   Owen informed me after his practice one afternoon that he was going to get one of those game balls.   His intensity always surprises me.  He is so competitive. 

He worked really hard for this game ball.  Paying attention every second in the outfield and catching a ground ball and getting a player out.   He put his heart in it every time he batted and hit the ball most everytime.    I was very proud of Owen for his hard work and perserverence.

I loved baseball season.   I loved watching my boys play.  I loved being outside with the little kids.   And, yes, I am glad it is over.....until next year.

Household chores

I have two little ones who like to help.   From making bread to doing laundry.

Always needing a spoon to help stir.  Helping to break the eggs and pour in the milk.

When the bread is baking, the laundry stacks up on the floor.  Our next chore.

She toddles from the kitchen, finds her buttons and climbs in my empty baskets.

As we fold and fold and fold, the four year old decides to join.

Crawling in his basket and bringing his toys.

So blessed to have little hands and feet to help me throughout my day.

To Create

Each day, we are given the power to create.      I create a life that unfolds around me.

And, I think long and hard.   What have I created?  

So, here I stand on my 39th birthday, looking over those fountains at the Belagio.   A birthday created by my husband out of love.   For me.  For us. 

As we stand here together I can see clearly what we have created.  We have created a covenant of marriage.  Standing together only by grace.  Two people who get it wrong most of the time but stand together because our love is stronger.

We have created a life filled with this love and beauty.  

And, it is found in the unexpected places.

It's found in the place we build our lives.   

A beautiful place that was created just for us.

A place where breakfast is eaten.  Where dishes and laundry are done.  A place where a ball is always being thrown or bounced.  Where we watch Super Why over and over and never complain. A place where brothers fight and nothing is fair.  A place where a little girl wanders around with her thumb in her mouth and her buttons clutched in her hand.

This place in the desert.  This place we live.  

A place where the Saguaro's grow tall and majestic. 

Where the flowers never stop blooming.

This place that we share with everyone.

A place created by us by the power of love.   A choice we make each day.

 

Because it's in the knowing that each thought and each emotion has creative potential.   

Knowing that this place could be a dry barren land where everything is scorched by the hot desert sun.   Or, it can be an oasis that replinishes our soul daily.  It's this choice that God has given us.  The choice to conceive, to express, and to enjoy the fruits of our creative power.

So, tonight I ask myself this question.   What have I created today?