Tuesday, March 19, 2013

My reward

My projects are never completed.  My paycheck never arrives.  I don't ever get a day off. 

But, there are trade offs.

Things that I get to do everyday that makes this job worthwhile.

Like....


Making pancakes for a 3 year old....Just so I can see a smile on his face first thing in the morning.


Watch a big brother hold his tired little sister while I finish an important project.


Help my little boys paint a beautiful masterpiece.


Dress my little girl in fuzzy purple pajamas.


And, supervise her while she puts everything, everything into her mouth.


And, now that everyone is in bed, I will take a few moments and enjoy the quiet.  Knowing that this is my reward today and tomorrow will be even better.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

My messenger


Gabriel, my messenger from God, the little boy that was sent to this mama so her world would be turned upside down.  He would teach her to love.  He would teach her patience.  He would teach her how to life to the fullest.   You see, nobody can make me love more then Gabriel can.  Nobody can make me more angry then Gabriel can.  Nobody can drive me as crazy as Gabriel can.  It's never middle of the road.  It is all or nothing. 

My 8 year old, who gets up at 5:30 no matter what time he goes to bed.  After all these years he knows that when he gets up noone else will join him.  He quietly sneaks into the bathroom in the dark and starts a bath.  My early morning riser will never conform to my routine but, has fallen into a comfortable pattern that fits both of us.

My 8 year old who is learning fractions.  As we sit at the table each night dividing pies and coloring in sections, I marvel at how smart he is.  He always knows the answer even though we don't think the same way.   And, when he writes his answer, I want to erase it.  It's messy and not legable.

My 8 year old, who loves to play football.  He loves to get into his pads and helmet and talks about his team constantly.  I have never seen anyone more excited about anything in my life.  Not understanding why he likes to tackle and run and catch a ball made out of pig skin.

My 8 year old, who is always bouncing a basketball.  Every conversation we have had in the last two weeks has been in front of the basketball hoop in our front room.  Gabriel bouncing and shooting between words and me grinding my teeth because I want him to stop.

My 8 year old,who always has a story to tell.  A BIG dramatic story, that can last for hours.  A hunting story, a fishing story, or maybe a story about someone from school.  He loves a good story.  I am always reminding myself that I have to listen but, sometimes I just have to walk away.

My 8 year old who carries his baby sister around when I need help.  Always getting her from the bassinet when she cries or picking her up from where she is playing.  A sweet brother who is so good with his 4 month old sister.

I do think that 8 is my favorite age so far.  As I watch him grow everyday, I am thankful for his energy and life.  I am thankful for his passion and he love for other people.  I want to remember him being 8 forever.   Being 8 and lugging his sister around everywhere he goes.


Monday, March 11, 2013

Focus

It's one of those nights.  One of those nights when you fall asleep naked at the dinner table after eating your goldfish.  You just lay down on the bench and call it good.



I am reading to Owen and I look up and ask "Where is Eli"?  I yell downstairs to Gabe and Bryan and ask if they have seen Eli. It takes me awhile to find him and when I do.  I smile.  A smile of relief and contentment.  I run to get my camera so I can remember the night I found Eli asleep at the bench.

I'm afraid these days that I am missing so much.  It's that fog of motherhood that makes everything so unclear.  I'm so busy, that I miss the funny, little things.  I'm so exhausted that I don't see what is going on around me.  Taking pictures helps remind me of the things that happen during the day.  The things that I don't want to forget.


My little girl in her fuzzy white hat.  A hat made by her Great Grandmother Choo Choo.  A hat I will put her in as often as I can because it means a lot to me.


Two little boys writing their letters.  Writing their letters and being so proud of themselves that they have to show me each one.


A best friend who comes over to play.  The one sure thing that brings a smile to Owen's face...a playdate with Jake.


A little girl who has found her toys.  Toys that will entertain her while I fix dinner.


A little boy who help me so much with his little sister.  Holding her, carrying her, playing with her.  He is such a big help to me.  An amazing big brother.



So as I wade through the fog of this time, I will continue to take pictures so that I can look back and remember and just maybe things will be more in focus this way.