I remember being 18 and looking at the adults of this world. I looked at them and thought, what is wrong with you? You do this life thing all wrong. You make it seem so hard. It's not hard. Lighten up a little bit. Life is so easy.....enjoy it.
I look at myself in fear. Have I turned into a 38 year old bitter woman? The lady with the scowl on her face. The one who looks at her mess of a living room and cries. A nagging wife and mother. The one who yells at her kids. Who can go a whole day without laughing.
Life has happened. 4 children. 8 moves. It is pretty overwhelming. I look at my friends and their struggles. My heart aches for them as they each have hard in their life. Deaths, divorce, illness. I want to scream at my 18 year old self and tell her how hard this all is. How impossible this feels. She would never understand the demands, the responsibility, the pain of this moment. It's so hard, how can I not turn into a bitter old woman?
I close my eyes and the answer comes to me like a bright white light. A moment when I know that I haven't become bitter. Yes, I'm overwhelmed but that doesn't define me. It doesn't define me because I am thankful. Thankful for everything.
Thankfulness helps me breath. Thankfulness replaces that scowl with a smile. It helps me stop and laugh with my children. It reminds me to stop doing the dishes and spend time with my husband instead. It turns everything around and fills me with love.
Thankful for a man who loves and provides for me. Who holds our little girl while I take a break.
Thankful for LONG walks with a three year old because he has to tell me the name of each car that we pass. Jeep, Chevy, Toyota, GMC....I have learned all their names.
Thankful for a 9 year old who struggles in school. To much energy, better things to do besides spelling and math.
Thankful for a 6 year old who sneaks crackers and sweets all afternoon and then is to full to eat dinner.
Thankful for a little red headed girl who screams loudly. She has already learned that she won't be heard unless she yells.
And, a sister who always listens. My friends in Wyoming and Colorado who are a phone call away.- My parents and in-laws.
Right now, I am even thankful for the heat. 106 when I went to pick up the boys from school today. Thankful for the sunshine and beautiful scenery on the way to school.
You see, now, I'm not that bitter woman that I was when this post started. I am different, changed. I'm breathing deeper and ready for tomorrow. A day that I get to spend with the people that I love. A day to cherish.
I look at myself in fear. Have I turned into a 38 year old bitter woman? The lady with the scowl on her face. The one who looks at her mess of a living room and cries. A nagging wife and mother. The one who yells at her kids. Who can go a whole day without laughing.
Life has happened. 4 children. 8 moves. It is pretty overwhelming. I look at my friends and their struggles. My heart aches for them as they each have hard in their life. Deaths, divorce, illness. I want to scream at my 18 year old self and tell her how hard this all is. How impossible this feels. She would never understand the demands, the responsibility, the pain of this moment. It's so hard, how can I not turn into a bitter old woman?
I close my eyes and the answer comes to me like a bright white light. A moment when I know that I haven't become bitter. Yes, I'm overwhelmed but that doesn't define me. It doesn't define me because I am thankful. Thankful for everything.
Thankfulness helps me breath. Thankfulness replaces that scowl with a smile. It helps me stop and laugh with my children. It reminds me to stop doing the dishes and spend time with my husband instead. It turns everything around and fills me with love.
Thankful for a man who loves and provides for me. Who holds our little girl while I take a break.
Thankful for LONG walks with a three year old because he has to tell me the name of each car that we pass. Jeep, Chevy, Toyota, GMC....I have learned all their names.
Thankful for a 9 year old who struggles in school. To much energy, better things to do besides spelling and math.
Thankful for a 6 year old who sneaks crackers and sweets all afternoon and then is to full to eat dinner.
Thankful for a little red headed girl who screams loudly. She has already learned that she won't be heard unless she yells.
And, a sister who always listens. My friends in Wyoming and Colorado who are a phone call away.- My parents and in-laws.
Right now, I am even thankful for the heat. 106 when I went to pick up the boys from school today. Thankful for the sunshine and beautiful scenery on the way to school.
You see, now, I'm not that bitter woman that I was when this post started. I am different, changed. I'm breathing deeper and ready for tomorrow. A day that I get to spend with the people that I love. A day to cherish.
We receive wisdom for Heaven once we learn to sop complaining and start being thankful for even those hard places where we learn the lessons of life! This was a great post, thanks.
ReplyDeleteBlessings XX
Mia