Leaving everything behind

A Wyoming lake, beautiful views, a few fishing poles, and some fresh air.  This family craved a day along the shoreline, where all we have is each other and the afternoon to spend together.  Throwing our lines into the water and being able to just let everything else go.

Out here the boys are just boys.  They throw rocks, they bury their shoes in the sand, they wrestle and roll around in the dirt.

 They climb to the top of a really big hill and explore the terrain.

 They throw rocks in the water.

Or they just take a break and think about life.

The playing stops when there is a bite on the line.  Then, there is no time to mess around.  There is just the excitement of the fish and reeling it in.

I could not have captured Owen's excitement any better then this.  This is the first glimpse of his fish.

 And, as brothers they share their prize.  Together they are so proud of themselves.

Nothing can replace this time we spend together on the water.

It brings us closer to each other and allows us to be ourselves.  Out here we are truly filled with the peace and joy that God intended for our family.

This is where we the boys learn patience as they wait for the big one to bite their line.  This is where Bryan and I remember to leave all our worries and troubles behind and just be together.  This is where we come together as a family in this true passion we all claim as our own.  Fishing.

Down the drain

Something is on my heart.  Something is bothering me.  I can't put my finger on it.  I walk around
with it tugging at my heels and weighing me down.

For weeks I search, I listen, I get frustrated, knowing it needs to unravel itself.   Not being brave enough to search my heart and really find out what it is.  So, I avoid it.  I avoid it at all costs, thinking that it will go away.  Praying it away.

But, it steals my joy and it weighs heavy on my heart.

I tuck three little boys into bed and stand at the top of he stairs waiting to hear their quiet breathing....a sure sign that my day is complete.  I can have some time to myself....doing whatever it is that I want.  Usually, I choose to get out my journal, my bible.

Instead, I choose to walk down two flights of stairs to the television.  I am again running, avoiding, ignoring.  I flip and flip and as I watch other people's lives, and I realize how thankful I am for mine.

It's impossibly late and I walk back up the stairs and get ready for bed.  I turn to the bathtub and something deep in my soul stirs.  It asks me to lay in the quiet of a bath.  "It's to late" I tell myself.  "you have to get into bed".  But, I know this tugging at my soul, I know that I must listen even if it doesn't make any sense.

As I lay surrounded by hot water, a great release happens.  I start to talk to myself.  Afraid of what I will hear.  Afraid of what I will uncover.   I pull my head below the water....but, I can't hide.

It comes to me all in one sentence.  This heavy burden. 

I am afraid to be alone.   I am afraid to be by myself.   I am afraid that no one will notice me today. That I am invisible.  These words tumble out of my mouth and it feels so good to say them.

Tears stream down my face.  This burden I have been carrying around for weeks.   I take it and give it to God.  I let him have it.   And, take some deep breaths.   The first that have felt free in weeks.

I pull the drain and as the water slowly escapes down the drain pipe I allow my fear to go with it.   And, as I step onto the bath mat, I am covered in grace and a smile spreads across my face.

ABC's

I don't ever want to forget Eli, age 2.  The age he LOVED letters.   The age when all he wanted to do was hear, see, and touch letters.

Age 2, where Eli sings the ABC song at least 20 times a day....all by himself.  Where he not only knows all his letters but, also says the sound of each.

On this day, he has convinced our neighbor, Benny, to write "his" letters all over our driveway....for an hour.  Benny was so patient with him as he wrote the alphabet over and over again.

And, there are times when saying his letters isn't so cute!  Like when my sister came to visit me the other night.  Her and Adaline slept in Eli's room and Eli slept with me.  Right before he drifted off to sleep, I coughed and he said "bless you, mommy".  My heart melted as I drifted into sleep because he is to precious and I was so relieved that he was going right to bed.

Until 2:00 in the morning.  At this hour when most normal people are sleeping, Eli is awake in his crib singing the ABC song.   And, after he sings the ABC song, he talks about Elmo. Oh, let me tell you the fact that he knows all his letters is NOT so cute in the middle of the night. 

My only question is....we have three more years until Kindergarten....since he knows all of his letters, numbers, shapes, and colors..... what are we going to do for the next three years?  I guess we will have to take it day by day....letter by letter.

A song

Sometimes a song just says all the words that you want to say.  Sometimes a song just speaks to your heart and makes you smile, while you tap your foot.  Sometimes a song just brings you pure joy like nothing else in this life.

A song of pure joy:    http://www.youtube.com/usevr/pointofgracemusic?ob=4&feature=results_mainm

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Daniel and Jake

 Best Friends are people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little brighter, and live a little better.

Best friends will ride the crazy roller coaster of life with you because they love you. Even if they don't have to, they will.

 “A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.”

My boys are so lucky to have such amazing friends.    It's amazing to watch these friendships unfold and blossom.  On the good days and on the bad days, my boys always know their friends will be there for them and it is something to truly celebrate.  Watching these little boys play together, fight together, and have so much fun together makes a momma's heart sing!

Change the World

 Deep in our souls we want to change the world.  Most days I am just content to change my corner of the world by making healthy meals and keeping the laundry done.  But, tonight....I felt like I did more when I watched this video and donated to this cause.

This is amazing and touched my heart....and, I believe that these people will change the world in a really BIG way....through the internet and facebook.  They are bringing so much light and goodness into our world.  God bless them and all their work!


http://vimeo.com/37119711

A hole of sickness

Sometimes when you are in the middle of a deep dark hole, you can't see your way out.  It's like you are to far at the bottom of it to see the light.  No matter how much you want to see the top, you just can't because it's to far away.  It's just impossible to find that joy and hope that came so easily when the sunlight was streaming on your face and warming your bones.

You hear all the voices in your head that say all he things you've heard over and over, "tomorrow will be better", "be patient, you will overcome", "tomorrow is a new day".  You stain to see the light but, again all you can see is blackness and you just close your eyes and more blackness comes.

Sickness always feels like this to me.  Whether it's a migraine headache or the flu.  I just can't find my strength and hope when I'm sick.  Everything good that comes with the warm sunlight is ripped away from me and, when I fall into that pit, I fall so deep that I can't see my way out.

As the blackness surrounds me, the rest of the world starts to fall apart.....and quickly.  The people that depend on me the most are fully aware that that I am in a dark pit somewhere.   They scrounge food wherever they can.  Owen eats cereal for every meal of the day, which seems like a treat to him because most of the time, cereal is only given on a limited basis.  My littlest seems to find his nutrition from goldfish swimming on the kitchen floor and my oldest tries his best to make a cheese sandwich in the microwave but, is only able to eat one bite before he abandons it on the kitchen counter.  And, the dishes pile up.  The laundry starts creeping from the bedroom into the front hall.  Dirty Kleenexes can be found in the couch and on every counter in the house.  The garbage starts to overtake the kitchen.  And, I know it will take days to clean up the mess that accumulates after a couple of sick days and it just makes my hole deeper and blacker.

I also resort to electronic entertainment for every waking hour (which normally strictly forbidden) while I am sick.  Anything that will entertain a small child is fair game as long as it allows me to lie on the couch and close my eyes for a few moments.  The guilt runs through me as my children watch cartoons for hours but, the sickness wins and the blackness prevents me from getting off the couch as I put on yet another cartoon.  I lay and pray for the light to return.

And, because of God's grace it does.  Each day as I get better, I see a little more light.  This light brings me back to life and I am so thankful for it.  For it's warmth, it's healing, and it's hope.  My prayer is that tomorrow, it will be even brighter and soon I can jump up out of this hole and walk away from it all together.   Shake my hands of this pain and blackness and walk straight ahead focusing on all the things that are important.  For now, I have to be patient.  I'm not ready to jump up running, yet.  But, I just know that when I do get better the first thing I will do is say prayer of thanks and then make my children and husband a healthy meal!