Saturday, September 13, 2014

Compassionate Sister




I read something today that spoke to my heart.   That said the words that I have been feeling for weeks but haven't been able to say.  A woman named Iyanla Vanzant wrote them in her book "One Day My Soul Just Opened Up.

I wanted to write them here so that I never forget.   I don't ever want to forget the time that I stood by my sister through one of the scariest times in her life.   I didn't always do and say the right things.  In fact, I probably didn't most of the time.    Yet, I stood beside her each second.  I was a phone call away waiting patiently for her to need me.  I stood beside her in the hospital waiting for Amaya to get out of surgery.   I listened and I demanded that she ask more questions.   I prayed.   I prayed with tears that soaked my pillows and my clothes.  When I couldn't pray, I called my friends to pray.   Our lives are forever changed and we are so very blessed.

I love my sister more today then I ever have.   I love her.  I respect her.  I am in awe of her.   The strength and wisdom that she posesses. Her ability to remain positive and concentrate on what is needed at the time.   I feel like I am the luckiest person alive because I was able to stand with her and be so close to her as she navigated this thing called a brain tumor.   I am so blessed by it all.

Here are Iyalana's words and I only hope that someday I can look back and say that I did these things for my sister.  That I was a compassionate person in every sense of this word.

A compassionate person is one who understands what you are going through and, rather than joining with you in your suffering and fear, sees for you the lesson, the blessing, and the victory in the end.  A compassionate person does not join in the victim mentality of blaming others; instead they will stand strong with you, supporting you through the acceptance of the situation.  The compassionate person knows with you, for you, and when necessary in spite of you, that all things work together for your good.  It takes vision to be compassionate.

Many of us believe that compassion is to see what someone needs, and to give it to them in order to make them and yourself feel better.   It is hard to watch someone suffer.   It's even harder when you are not suffering.  When you see it, you feel bad for the other person and jump in to save them.  Well, maybe they don't need saving.  Maybe what they need is support in making a decision, or information that will help them reframe their situation so that they are empowered to handle it for themselves.

Compassionate people do not help, they support because they know that to support you means they will also help you heal and grow.  They want what is best for you, not because they think they know what is best, but because your best is their best.  You see, a compassionate person is in it with you for the long haul, with no expectations other than they are able to do what needs to be done.

Megan, I love you.  I am beyond blessed to have you for a sister and each day I only want one thing.  To be your compassionate sister.  The one who is always there.  The one who stands by you no matter what and loves you stronger everyday.  That walks this journey with you and reminds you how loved and blessed you are.  And I know without a doubt that you feel the same about me.





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