Patience

I am sitting here with a bright green cast.  My newest addition to my arm.  12 days ago I snapped the bone right below my wrist.  Ice skating.  One of those moments that I want to rewind and take back.

I can't take it back and as I sit here thinking about the last two weeks, I am overwelmed.  After I had Grace, I thought I was spread thin.   I didn't feel like I could handle one more thing.  I didn't think I could survive the long days and nights of caring for four children.

Then, I broke my arm and all I long for is those days and nights.  Perspective.  My life has been put into perspective.  What I thought was hard a few weeks ago has become 10 times harder.  My patience is being tested every moment.  You see, even typing this post one handed is testing me.  Normally,  I type very fast.  Not with one hand.  As I slowly type out each word it is a reflection of my life.  Slow.

I am not able to drive and have been at home for two weeks.  I have had to depend on others to do my shopping and errands.  No activities with the kids, no bible study, no getting out.  Anyone who knows me, knows being homebound will surely drive me insane.  I have to get out.  Talk to people,do things.

Patience.  Being tested to the limits.

Monday I will have surgery.  I have to give the care of my baby to someone else for 24 hours.  This is already causing me great anxiety.  I have serious control issues over the care of my babies.  When they get fed.  How and when they sleep.   Changing their diaper for pete's sake.

Now, I have to give up the control and just trust that she will be taken care of.  It's very hard for me.

I know this broken arm is teaching me some powerful lessons but let's be honest.  I DON'T WANT TO LEARN THEM.  THIS IS MISERABLE FOR ME.

When you don't have a choice, you make the most of it.  I am trying my best to do that.  Waiting each day for my arm to heal so I can again hold my baby, drive my kids to swim lessons, and type a blog post in under 10 minutes.

Being forced to do everything differently and not do some things at all.  After it is all said and done, I'm sure I will look back and laugh.  Today I will endure this broken arm to the best of my ability.  Trusting and depending on my family and being thankful for each one.  Praying for the perseverance that I need in each moment.  I surely need it!