The journey

Lately, I have been thinking about the journey that I'm on. It has been such an amazing journey, this journey that I call my life. It's been so unexpected in a wonderful way.

If I could have had a sneak peak into my life when I was a teenager, I wouldn't have believed what I saw. I never pictured myself as a wife, mother, and stay at home mom. When I thought of how my life would look this is defiantly not what I imagined. You see, I thought that women who stayed at home with their children were just doing it because they had nothing better to do. It never entered my mind that I would stay at home with my children as a choice. That it is a real job, the most important job that I can ever imagine.

I was so different in my 20's. My life and focus was on me. I received a Master's degree, I traveled extensively through Mexico and South America, and made a life for me, about me. Thank goodness this road in my journey changed. God had a better plan in mind for me but first, I had to learn to stop focusing on me.

After I had Gabriel, I was determined to continue my life as I knew it. I was going to continue being a social worker and living my life for me. Every morning, I rushed off to work determined to control my destiny and not give into my motherly instincts. You see, whenever I dropped Gabe off at daycare every cell in my body screamed, don't leave him. And every morning, I left him because my journey was going to be about me and what I wanted at that time.

God had a different road for me to travel and since I wouldn't give in, he took control. Owen arrived. God took the control away from me when working didn't make finacial sense anymore. I had to stay home but, I continued to fight against this change. I didn't feel important as a stay at home mom. There was no salary, no compensation, no tangible rewards. My journey was about me and staying at home didn't satisfy that inner need for attention. I was cleaning, changing diapers, wiping noses, pushing swings, reading books, picking up toys, making macaroni and cheese, and taking kids to preschool. None of these things were about me and I didn't like it.

So, I took control. I started doing all sorts of things for myself. I joined a mom's group and became the Moppetts director. This gave me all sorts of attention and made me feel important. It also took hours of my time. Other things suffered. Mainly my home, time with Bryan, and time with the kids. I also was involved in several other activities that took hours of my time each day. And, if I wasn't doing any of these things, I was with my friends. We would have play dates and I would get adult time with them. This always satisfied that need to feel important.

Again, God had a different plan. A different road for me to travel. He took control and I had no other choice but to surrender to his plan. He moved me away from my family, my friends, and my busyness to a place called Thornton, CO.

This detour has not been easy but it has put me in the exact place that I need to be. In this place, I give my time and my life to my husband and my children. This is what makes me happy. This is my purpose. This brings me great joy!

Today, I am so thankful for this road that I am on. Today, I have surrendered myself to this part of my journey. Today, by choice, I loved my husband and my children with everything inside of me. No distraction, no detours, no u turns only pure love.