Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The Hard

Holding my baby girl.  Holding her until my arm completely gives out and I put her down on the couch for a little relief.  Screams hit my ears.  I try a toy but she just wants to be held.  My arms aren't strong enough to continue holding her.  I say a silent prayer.

A little boy who refuses to eat.  Who spends most of his day whining and screaming.   Not quite sure what he wants.  Just knowing that things aren't quite right.  I get so frustrated with him that I allow him to scream.  I walk away from him because I don't know what else to do.  I walk away and say another silent prayer.



Taxes that just can't wait another day.  The papers stacked by my computer as my little boy refuses to sit anywhere but on my lap.  Helping me by drawing on my W-2 and pushing buttons on my calculator.  I try everything to distract him just so I can have a few minutes to finish.  I have to say a silent prayer.
 

Rain.  Rain and cold.  Weather that kept us inside with all the housework.  Laundry and dishes that caused me anxiety all day.  Chores that were never completed and still stare at me into the night.  I have to say a silent prayer.


Math homework.  Homework that didn't get done until 8:30 at night.   Homework that was rushed through.  Homework that caused several angry moments because I just didn't have the patience.   A silent prayer for forgiveness.


Today, I needed strength.  Perseverence.  Patience.  All these traits that are so lacking in my life.  Pushing me to my limit and creating all this mommy guilt.

I know that what I did today makes a difference.  I know that where I am today is just where I need to be.  Doing what I need to do.  But, knowing this doesn't make it any easier.   My job was so hard today and I failed miserably.  

Because of the hard, I am learning.   I am learning that tomorrow I get to start all over again.  Tomorrow will be better.  Tomorrow will be different.  My babies will get healthy.  Homework will get done before the last moment.  The rain will stop.   I can just imagine my day and am thankful for it already.  It has to be better then today. 

This is the blessing in my life.  To have the wisdom to just know that everyday is new and nothing ever stays the same.  That there is bad days but, good days are coming.  Trusting that there is a reason for all of this and breathing deep through it all.  So as I place my head on my pillow tonight I am thankful for even the hard and this brings me peace and happiness.
 

at

8 comments:

  1. Four for FranceApril 2, 2013 at 11:36 PM

    I can SO relate! I tell my kids (now 16 and 17) that I am keeping a journal of all my parenting disasters so that they can give it to their shrink someday! Ah, but there is grace. And redemption. And I know, I KNOW, that God hears and answers all those silent prayers. He is in it with you!

    Joining you from SDG today. Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownApril 3, 2013 at 6:55 AM

    Oh girl, I am saying a prayer for you right now. I have so had those days -- days where I just put my head in my hands and think "how will I do this??" Praying that you lean in hard today on the Savior, that you see with His eyes, and that you hear His heartbeat of love for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. KimApril 3, 2013 at 7:07 AM

    This is so familiar! It's easy to feel so overwhelmed by everything that gets in the way of everything else, and feeling like you are failing. Praying for you, to know that you are not alone in this.
    Visiting from SDG!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lisa notes...April 3, 2013 at 7:35 AM

    Those days are the worst. :-( Feeling your pain. We've all been there. But I love your underlying attitude that it WILL get better. It always does. Hold on to His hope that can sustain you and get you over the hump. Praying for sunnier days.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jean WiseApril 3, 2013 at 10:04 AM

    Praying for you right this moment. I have had days like that where it seems i give and give to others with no nourishment for my own soul. It WILL get better and you WILL survive. Motherhood and living isn't easy but hard work. The end results are life changing for you and for those little ones. I think back now and wonder if I could have done a better job but NO - I did the best I could with what energy I had at that moment.

    May God give you a little rest and lots of smiles and hope!

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnknownApril 4, 2013 at 2:38 AM

    Hi Kris
    How does the saying go? Every cloud has a silver lining. Yes, dear one, not only will tomorrow be a new day, but also your Pappa God's mercies, compassion and grace!! By the way, they do grow up! Visiting via Emily's.
    Blessings
    Mia

    ReplyDelete
  7. GLENDA CHILDERSApril 4, 2013 at 4:32 AM

    My kids are grown and now bring me presents. Since that day is a long ways off for you ... sweet momma right in the trenches ... I am praying for some sweet surprises to lift your load. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

    Fondly,
    Glenda

    ReplyDelete
  8. Brandee ShaferApril 4, 2013 at 11:55 PM

    You're fabulous every day; I don't care what you say. But I get it. :)

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)